All Things That Matter Press, true to its mission,
has published another of my books. The link to Amazon is to the right on this
blog. Below is the sample story from collection of stories.
O, Ye Faithful
And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able
to kill the soul:
But rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul
and body in hell.
Mariam was seated in her family room, watching news on the
TV. Her thoughts were aloof and poignant. Some sort of poignant aloofness,
which had become a part of her psyche and spirit since her little daughter had
contracted AIDS. Three long, bitter
years since that horrible car accident.
Her daughter, Crystal had lain bleeding in the hospital, and blood
infusion had made her the victim of AIDS.
Mariam had lost faith in God after this great tragedy. God had left her
heart. He had abandoned her to the mercy of this cruel world.
Mariam was watching the colors on the screen, not heeding
the words. Her thoughts were reaching out to her daughter. Straying in realms cruel and malign, where
scorn and malice were the proud queens in this land sacred and civilized! Her own homeland! Her gold city! Her
This very day was the Fall Quarter of school year.
Mariam's thoughts were swimming in little pools of rage and
torment, as she kept watching TV. Not
even acknowledging the presence of her husband, who had just drifted into the
room, and had seated himself beside her.
I want to keep my kids
at home where they are safe— one irate mother was commenting. The flash of lightning in her gaze piercing
the TV screen!
"God, dear God!" Mariam exclaimed suddenly.
"What insufferable arrogance? Safe from what, does she know? Is anyone safe in this besotted world of
malice and cruelty? Can one divine the
hour of death? Can one ward off
misfortunes? Is death not
inevitable? Does she have any fear of
God? No pity in her heart! No love for the innocent children, but for
her own healthy brood! Do homes promise
safety? Can one not die in sleep? What about the fires, floods, storms,
hurricanes? AIDS is not contagious. If it was, I would be the first one not to
permit
"Mary," Peter began soothingly. "You would
tear your heart to pieces, if you go on like this.
"Peter," Mary murmured absently. "I thought I
am the only one losing faith in God. You
have too? No hope from God, no faith in
God. Can we still call ourselves
Christians? We have become godless. Surely, there must be some goodness in
people's hearts? They are not all
evil. Let us pray, Peter, let us pray to
God. Let us renew our hope—"
"Which God, Mary!"
Peter interrupted fiercely.
"The gods and goddesses of the pagans, where are they now? Brahma, Buddha, Jehovah, Jesus, Muhammed, do
they help the afflicted? The gods are
dead. No love in our hearts, no
Salvation in Faith, no comfort in prayers." His thoughts were throbbing and
foundering. "Though, I do believe
in goodness, in us and in others and in love."
"I am not strong, Peter." Mariam lamented softly. "I am weak. I can't think. I can't even think of going to church.
Remember, the forced smiles of our congregation, the averted looks, and the
cold greetings. The reek of pity! I wish I can find comfort in Bible as I did
before." Her gaze was searching her
husband's eyes. "I know you love
reading, but why are you reading a host of religious books these days? The book on Calvinistic theology, is that the
one you keep by your pillow? Quran,
Bhagavad-Gita, the teachings of Buddha!
What are you trying to learn from all these books? Some cure for your pain?"
"I have learnt nothing, Mary, nothing!" Peter intoned rather passionately. "Gita is too profound for my meager
intellect, the concept of non-duality?
Quran, nothing new in there, but repetition of stories from the
Bible! I should get back to my
philosophers. Spinoza. Light displays
both, itself and darkness. Though,
reading him has not helped me all this time. I haven't seen any light,
but I know what darkness is," he got to his feet. "Let us go to bed early. Hoping that
"Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be
comforted." Mariam's sad murmur
was swallowed by
Both Peter and Mariam were flying to their daughter's
bedside.
"Mom, dad, help, help—"
"Crystal, my love, mommy is here." Mariam was stroking
"They are beating, beat—ing—"
"Hush, darling, hush. Daddy is right here." Peter was holding his daughter's hand.
Finally,
Since
Dreams like these had become
And right now, this despair was fresh, when she faced her
daughter who had just returned from school.
"I don't want to go to school, Mom, I don't want
to."
"School is so much fun, my love!" Mariam elicited one bright smile. "You would be bored stiff if you stayed
home."
"No one talks to me."
"You are much too sensitive, love." Mariam attempted to soothe and reason. "You haven't seen your friends all
summer. It takes time— to start the
friendships all over again."
"I have no friends, Mom."
"My baby!"
Mariam folded
"Is this the way to cheer your dad, darling?" Peter flashed a bright smile at
"I have no friends, no friends."
"
The gloomy afternoon dwindled into a gloomier evening. Peter
and Mariam sat at the dining table, with
"Am I really going to die, Dad?"
"All of us have to die, darling. Sometime or the other!" Peter tried to soothe her fear and
curiosity. "No one really knows,
when. And no one likes to know, when.
All that lives must die, my pet.
That is the law of nature."
He stole a glance at Mariam. Then
he continued thoughtfully, as if
"What is eternal, Dad?"
"It means, forever, darling." Peter expounded. "Nothing lasts forever." He murmured to himself.
"Forever!"
"Yes, my love, always." Mariam smiled. Her heart wounded and bleeding!
"Think about life, darling. And about love, our love," Peter coaxed.
"Will I go to heaven after I die?"
"Yes, darling, yes." Peter was trying his best to be cheerful, but
his thoughts were straying and swarming.
"Heaven, especially, is made for little girls like you. Your innocence alone is the ticket to
heaven. Children know no sin."
"What is sin, Dad?"
"When one does something bad." Peter struggled with his thoughts. "Or, when one hurts someone!"
"We are going to have so much fun at
"All the kids in school are bad."
"Oh, love."
Mariam could only murmur.
"My pet."
Was Peter's mild reproof!
"All kids hate me."
"Come, pet, we have to get that poodle from the
Mall." Peter got to his feet.
The autumn with the loveliest of its colors had succumbed to
the death in winter. And Mariam's heart
had the same chill and darkness inside its pulsating womb as before.
What does one hope to achieve in this sea of madness and
suffering. Mariam would think inside
the bliss of her own oblivion. This
life! This black, wretched misery! This
churning despair! This groaning,
throbbing hopelessness. She was wont
to find refuge in this sea of hopeless, helpless pain.
Such pain was visiting her again, as she handed the clean
dishes to Peter for drying.
"You startled me last night, Mary. Startled me out of my wits and
sanity!" Peter commented.
"Oh, it was horrible, Peter. The worst nightmare I have ever
had." Mariam sought the armless
chair, and sank into it as if gasping for breath. "Did I tell you all? The dream was so real. I had gone to get
"Mary, love, didn't I tell you not to read any
magazine." Peter's tone was
consoling, yet harsh. "This is no
nightmare, but a facsimile of vulgarity in print. Didn't you see such a scene depicted on the
cover of Newsweek? The cover story! I am going to cancel all subscriptions. We don't need the help of the besotted
artists."
"No use pretending, Peter that we are not
suffering." Mariam murmured
gently. "Yet, I am suffering less,
now that
"A friend!"
Peter asked incredulously.
"Yes, a friend."
Mariam intoned reminiscently.
"Her fantasy friend—a dear, dear friend at school!"
"Why do you think, she conjured up this
friend?" Peter asked intently. "Does this friend of hers have a
name?"
"I didn't ask, Peter." Mariam murmured. "I know, Peter, I—" She couldn't finish, for
"I am hungry, Mom."
"Yes, love, yes."
Mariam smiled.
"How are we doing in school?" Peter inquired endearingly.
"Better, Dad!"
"Well, tell your dad your friend's name." Peter asked.
"Your mom never tells me anything."
"Ma—ggy."
Was
"Where does she live?" Peter prodded further.
"Not she, Dad.
He! A boy!"
"Oh, Magi, you mean." Peter murmured low.
"Ma—ggy, that's what I said, Dad. He lives in the country."
"What an unusual name." Peter thought aloud.
"Maggy is very nice.
And very handsome."
"Evil means, not good, darling." Peter was watching her tenderly. "If one hurts someone! If one makes someone unhappy. These acts make one evil, if they have hurt
someone, or made others unhappy."
He couldn't explain, his thoughts foundering inside realms profound. "One's own sin toward one’s own self, or
toward others makes one evil. And evil
in one's mind and heart makes one commit sin."
"I know, Dad."
"No, love, people are not sin." Mariam smiled. "If they commit sin, they are called
sinful. That means, full of sin."
"All kids ignore Maggy, as they do me."
"Invite him here, love—" Mariam could not continue, cursing her for
her own indiscretion.
"Maggy helps his dad at the farm."
"Yes, my pet, when we move to the country." Peter responded wistfully.
"Can we, Dad, can we?"
The dusk in the evening was replaced by chill and bleakness,
as Peter and Mariam lay in bed. Both
wearied and distraught, both trying to sleep!
"Magi is an unusual name, Mary." Peter murmured to himself. "Her friend must be real? She has a wild imagination, I know. But she is not the one to imagine a friend,
so close to reality."
"She is hallucinating, Peter." Mariam, too, demurred aloud. "A mother knows. Last Tuesday, I watched her from the window. As I wait for her every day when it's time
for her to come home from school. But
that day, I could notice she was talking to herself. As if saying goodbye to someone! When she came inside, she literally flew into
my arms. Did you see Maggy, Mom?" She babbled away. He walked home with me. He will be going away to see an old
friend, I don't know what all she said." She sighed to herself. "Do you think, Peter that even children,
to shut out the pain and horror in living, find refuge in reveries and
delusions?"
"Purity and innocence in a child's heart are their
mighty weapons against cruelty in this world." Peter commented tonelessly. "Unarmed and exposed to danger, we all
succumb to the assaults of deceit and injustice. But very few of us, who can reclaim the
purity and innocence within, can find shelter in hopes, if not in dreams. More so the children, for they have not lost
their purity and innocence, yet."
"Do we not live in a civilized world?" Mariam appeared to question her own
doubts. "In a civilized world,
preaching love, mercy and compassion!"
"Self-love, self-mercy, self-compassion." Peter's tones were dreamy. "History cannot help, but repeat
itself. Nothing would ever teach mankind
to love others. Civilized world,
indeed! What do the poor, the homeless,
the afflicted and the unfortunate, receive from this civilized world? Nothing, but disgust and mockery! Famines still abound. Deaths and hungers graze not the greed and
gluttony of the wealthy nations. The
ages past and tragic! Dark and blackened
with tragedies! The Bubonic plague! The Great London plague. What did people do then? They looked upon the suffered and the
suffering with loathing and revulsion.
Fleeing, fleeing." He closed
his eyes.
The white purity in winter had chilled and soothed Mariam's
heart. She had espoused peace. She had ceased to think, knowing only that
her daughter had found the crumbs of happiness.
Rarely would her thoughts approach the silent abyss inside her, but when
they did, she could feel the raging storms underneath its calm surface. Then she could hear her thoughts, raving and
ranting, within the very fibers of her soul.
My daughter is suffering.
Suffering terribly! Lonesome and
friendless. She is dying, dying. Mariam had become accustomed to these
agonized chants within her.
This very evening, Mariam was aware of these familiar
chants, as she sat cuddled on the sofa, her head leaning to one side.
Already the end of another year! The death of time! The birth of a new year! No, only December. Mariam could taste the odor of fatigue and
hopelessness in her thoughts. Christmas
songs! Christian charity! Commercial fever! Gifts, feasts, festive celebrations! No joy, no hope, no love, no peace? No songs in my heart. Only the gifts of
pains, fears and sorrows! She was
looking into the eyes of death.
So abysmal, so profound was the ocean of pain inside her
that she didn't hear Peter's approach.
Not until he kissed her softly on the cheek. He had just returned from work.
"Where is
"She is sleeping."
Was Mariam's involuntary response!
"A little feverish.
Raving. Raving about Magi, as if
he is real! I think she is going insane,
peter." Despair was shining in her
eyes.
"She is as sane as any normal child, Mary." Peter's tone was soothing. "Any normal child, who has learned to
suffer the pain in living and has discovered the mystery of unsuffering. If we didn't lose ourselves in happy dreams
now and then, we all would go stark mad."
He failed in his attempt to smile.
"She is dying."
Mariam murmured inaudibly.
"We are not alone, darling, we have each
other." Peter claimed her hands and
kissed them slowly. "Together in
joy and grief! We still have
"Peter."
Mariam could only mutter. And in
that one word were all her pain, all her love, all her agony.
"Mary."
Peter could think of no words of comfort. "Rock
"Poor man, how tragic!" Was Mariam's poignant response. "How the Press hounds even the
dead? How one slides down the ladder of
acclaim to the rung of ignominy by the crafty words of the reporters?"
"Self-righteousness would lead us all to the doors of
damnation." Peter elicited one
snort of laughter. "Let us see if
"Dad, I don't have a fever. Mom doesn't
know."
"Moms don't know anything." Mariam smiled.
"Did mom tell you, Dad, Magi invited me to his
house? Mom says I am allowed. But I have to ask you. Can I go, Dad, can I?"
"Can you, my pet!"
Peter teased. "You may,
darling, if your mom is wrong in assuming that you have fever."
"Maggy says he will take me home right after
school. Tomorrow, that is."
"You are still my little pet, darling." Peter murmured effusively.
"You are warm, love.
And little moist!" Mariam was pressing
"Maggy says he loves his mom."
"He it is Who fashions you in the wombs as He wills;
there is no God but He, the Mighty, the wise." Peter quoted.
Some sort of chill cutting through his soul like a blade of ice.
"That's it, Dad, he said that!"
"You mustn't say such things, love, about the
kids." Mariam shot her a mild
reproof.
"He doesn't care, Mom."
The sunless morning with gray mists was sprinkling snow on
the road as Peter drove to work. His
friend, Dr. Hazel had made a house visit and had prescribed Tylenol for
Mom, I am so happy.
I will never leave you. Never,
never, Mom! Marian could still hear
her daughter's voice as she peeked into her room. Crystal herself was wide awake.
"How are you feeling, love?" Mariam kissed her on the brow.
"Fine, Mom, fine."
"Yes, love, yes."
Mariam felt her pulse.
"Would you like a glass of juice?"
"Yes, please," was
"Here, love. Drink this and two more
Tylenols." Mariam held out the
tablets and a glass of juice.
"Sleepy again."
"You didn't sleep well all night, love. So, you must
rest." Mariam smoothed the
comforter over her fondly.
The early afternoon with a sprinkling of snow was greeting a
little sunshine, as Mariam paced in her family room abstractedly.
"I am hungry, Mom."
"Chicken soup, coming up!" Mariam retraced her
steps.
"Mom, Maggy came to see me—"
"I didn't see him, love." Mariam murmured low. "You couldn't, Mom."
"He didn't go to school." Mariam commented to herself.
"Oh, Mom."
"Yes, love, yes, if you feel better." Mariam consoled absently.
"We will have so much fun, Mom."
"More soup, love."
Mariam ventured softly.
"No, Mom. Thank you.
Bathroom."
"Let me help you, love." Mariam held out her hands.
"Mom! I am not
sick. No fever."
"My head is hurting again."
"Let me press your head." Mariam seated herself on the bed, giving her
a gentle massage.
Another bleak day with the looming threat of death and
surcease!
"How is my little pet?" Peter asked Mariam before entering
"Her fever is abating, I think." Was Mariam's tender response. She raves, though, in all her waking,
sleeping hours. I heard her just this
morning, in her sleep, of course. O,
ye of little faith. O, ye of little faith. I am partly to blame. Indulging in all her whims and dreams! She thinks, Magi is coming this
evening."
"Maybe! He will
come!" Was Peter's thoughtless
response, as he entered his daughter's room.
Finding her awake, he summoned a smile. "How is my little
pet?" He kissed her cheek.
"Fine, Dad."
"Yes."
Peter murmured, his thoughts distracted beyond reason.
"My head is not hurting anymore."
"Here, have some water, love." Mariam patted her on the back, holding out a
glass of water.
"My head is hurting again."
"Would you like more soup?" Mariam asked.
"Yes, please."
"I don't understand, Dad, when Maggy puts his hand on
my head, my hurt goes away."
"Yes, my pet."
Peter murmured feebly.
Mariam returned with a bowl of hot soup in the tray. This time,
"Thank you Lord for all these tender mercies of
Thine and for Thy food, Amen."
Another day, bright and crystal-clear, but with no hope of light
for Peter and Mariam.
"Maggy is coming!
He is here. See—"
My baby, my child!
Gone, gone! I will never see her,
never hear her voice. She would be so
cold here. Cold and alone! Alone and friendless, as—the fire of
grief in Mariam's heart was ebbing and rippling.
For dust you are and to dust you will return.
The litany of the parson was reaching Mariam. She stirred as if to snatch her daughter out
of this polished casket. Before she
could move, an abrupt thunder from the sky went cleaving through her
heart. Her eyes were lifted to the
mirror of cruelty in the sky. Her gaze
suspended there as if searching for something.
A few dark clouds, swollen with tears, were billowing forth with an
astonishing speed. This cold day was
slashed with gray, tearless mists. She
was forcing her gaze back to the open casket, but it was arrested on the way to
a man of indescribable stature. In a
flash, she had recognized the man, her heart melting inside the fire of
disbelief, smoldering and crackling.
This man was no ordinary mortal. Not a strange mourner. Neither a hypocrite in tie and suit! Neither aggrieved, nor grieving. Certainly not affecting sorrow! Mariam's sight and thoughts were in
swoon. He was the king, the
man-god? Mourning not the birth of
death, but rejoicing at the death of life!
This man was clad in the kingly robe of purest white. His eyes were as bright as the stars, and his
lips as chaste as the heavens.
Maggy. Magi. Christ. Jesus. Mariam's heart was thundering. She was gazing
into the eyes of the Lord. There were
mingling of life and death in those eyes.
Mariam was standing there prisoner to the love and warmth in
those eyes. She was blinded,
dazzled. So awed and humbled was she
that she had not noticed
Mariam was beholding the portrait of life. Magi— Crystal,
they were illumined, blessed by Christ.
Revealing the purity of love, faith, trust! The friends eternal, were floating, drifting,
and sailing together.
Suddenly, the clouds with tear-streaked eyes were harnessing
the sun in its own chariot of gold. The
rain was singing hymns to the Lord. The
thunder was humming the songs of love in honor of the bridegroom. The wind was whispering the promise of peace
to the world.
Mariam's eyes were flooding with tears of joy. The mist-clouds in her thoughts were pouring
bliss. Her anguish was fleeing, her
sorrow and bitterness melting. Peter was
leading her toward the shelter of the trees, where their car was parked. The rain was pouring in torrents. The cold, stinging wind was raging and
whistling. Yet, Mariam was oblivious to
this stabbing fury in nature. Her
sacredness within was awakening. She was
listening to the holy songs from the very lips of her soul and psyche.
Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb; and the
smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon.
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